Perspective

Today I learned of the passing of a high school classmate, Matt Uday. Matt was a good and genuine person that fought a year long battle with cancer but never seemed to lose faith or hope. But as I was thinking tonight about how unfair it is that a young man in his 30s with a 1-year old son and a beautiful wife could be taken from this life so soon, I happened across this post from his blog and realized that we can all learn something from Matt and a thing called faith...

ENJOY THE WIND IN YOUR HAIR.
As I took my walk this morning with Ethan, I was reminded of a similar walk three weeks ago, that helped me put those questions behind me once again. It had not been a full week since I had found out that my tumor marker was rising again, but it had been a rough week. I was faced with not only the how's, why's, and what if's, but also the thought of what now? I was worried about myself and about my family, and what they would do without me. I went for a walk that sunny Sunday morning for about an hour and a half, and I prayed the whole time. Prayer has always been important to me, but I have never prayed that long of a prayer in my life. I asked God the questions that had been troubling me all week, and I told Him what I hoped the answers were. I told Him that I did not feel that I was ready to give up down here, and that I still had a lot to contribute to this world. In the end, my plea was simple, I just want to be. I want to be a husband, a father, and a Christian. Beyond that it is all just icing on the cake. I did not try to make a deal with the Lord, but I told him if he continued to give me the strength to fight this, I would beat it and I would be committed to be a better person than I was before; a better husband, a better father, and a better Christian.

Now I know not all of you reading this may share my belief system, but bear with me here a little longer. I am not going to tell you that a booming voice answered my prayer that morning, or that I returned home to find some unmistakable sign from above. I did, however, feel an answer to my prayer. I felt a sense of relief when I finished my prayer. I felt that I had gotten a lot off of my chest, and that the worry I had begun the day carrying was gone. I can't cite the verse, but I know that scripture suggests we allow God to carry our burdens for us. I never really knew how to do that, but since that prayer I have felt that my burdens are gone. Those disturbing questions may still creep into my thoughts at times, but they don't last and they do not haunt me. I no longer fear what the future holds for me, and I have gained a new appreciation for the present. I can truly say that I am no longer worried about cancer. It may sound crazy, but the worry and the fear disappeared.

Instead I am savoring life; at least as much as one can between appointments and treatment. That morning three weeks ago was a beautiful Spring day, and I watched Ethan giggle as the warm breeze lifted the hair up off of his head. I was so worried about what my future may or may not look like, I was beginning to ignore the beauty of the moment. I was worried about whether I would be around to teach Ethan all of the things a father should teach a son, and then his joy in experiencing his first Spring breeze taught me a lesson. Whether faced with cancer or not, our days on this earth are numbered. In the face of cancer it may seem that the number is smaller than it should be, but we still have no way of knowing how many days are left in our lives. Why not spend them giggling at the wind in you hair, instead of pulling it out worrying about the future?

So whether I have 5 days or 5 million days left, why would I spend them worrying and wondering when and how it would come. Instead I am going to enjoy every moment I have, and if I live to be a hundred and two, just imagine the fun I will have in all of those days. I am going to start working on being a better husband, father, and Christian now, rather than waiting until I beat cancer. I am not going to worry nor be afraid, but I am going to focus on being healthy and strong. In the end, I will do everything that I am able to be a better and stronger person. I am going to enjoy life and giggle with Ethan when the wind lifts the hair off his head. It will either be enough to beat cancer or it won't, but either way it will have been worth the ride. Then I will put my faith into God's hands because he has a plan that is far greater than any I can imagine.

It is easy to become consumed with fear and worry, but that is no way to spend your days, no matter how many you have left, nor whether or not you have cancer. My cancer has proven more stubborn than I had expected, but it cannot match my stubbornness. I will fight it every day of my life, but I won't let it run my life. The highlight of my day today was being beaten up by a ten month old! Ethan decided it was time to take on Dad, and he gave it everything he had; he hit me with toy cars, plastic rings, pacifiers, and smacked me with his bare hands. The whole time he shrieked with glee as he won his first wrestling match. When he wakes up from his nap, he will get his first lesson of revenge in the form of some serious tickling. To me, that is a much better way to spend the day than worrying about tomorrow.

Quote of the Day

This quote is my current favorite and describes me perfectly:

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. --Marilyn Monroe

Thankful

It seems each year that Christmas (yes, I said Christmas because that is my holiday of choice) gets ushered in earlier and earlier. This ritual of moving on to one holiday before the other passes is very disheartening to me. It seems we do not truly take adequate time to be thankful. And so, on this last day of November, I give you some things for which I am thankful this year:

- My family - specifically my sister and my Aunt Pat

- KP - the bestest friend a gal could ask for :)

- Gainful employment - no small feat in this economy!

- My health

- Living in the U.S.A. and for everyone who serves her so selflessly

- An excellent work family - I couldn't survive on the road without them

- Knowing that I'm strong enough to survive whatever gets thrown my way

- Having the guts to take a vacation by myself

- Detroit. I may talk about wanting to leave but The D has made me who I am. :)

Because I'm so behind in my updates...

...I thought I'd pass along the link to my Flickr account for your viewing pleasure.

Enjoy!

xoxo,
Lesley

Pail List #14

In a recent post I talked about my "bucket list". My friend KP decided that a more appropriate term for this list of goals would be "Pail List" and I'm preparing to embark on #14 of my own list - the solo vacation.

A solo trip is something I've wanted to do for a long time. I'm a firm believer that there are some things everyone should experience as an individual. Sometimes you need to experience the adventure and beauty of life on your own terms whether that be dining out, taking in a movie, going to the park or yes, taking a trip. So next week I'm off to Savannah, Georgia. Alone.

I'm definitely excited and a little bit nervous & anxious but looking forward to some nice weather, a little bit of history and ghost hunting, the opportunity to put my new camera to use and the personal satisfaction that comes from knowing I've accomplished something that will help me grow as a person.

Wish me luck and look for pictures and updates when I return! :)

Growing Up is Overrated

In my relatively short life, I've had to deal with a lot of things that someone in their early 30s should not including the loss of many family members including my mom. One of the last things I promised was that I would take care of my aunts - her older sisters - who were unmarried and without children.

Earlier this year one of my aunts passed on and up until recently my other seemed to be doing well. Now that is all changing and changing fast. Broken kneecap, sprained back and now it seems her mind is beginning to fail her. Yesterday I went for a vist and my other aunt & uncle stopped by and I learned that she had an incident this weekend while driving her car. Long story short - she has been told by the police that she is unable to drive until evaluated by the Secretary of State. For the next two weeks, I am the only one close enough to help if she needs something or has an emergency. While I wouldn't hesitate for one second to drop everything for her because she has always been there for me, I cannot help but feel the weight of this on my shoulders.

I probably sound horribly selfish but I long for the days when I was too young to be this responsible. Being a grown-up is overrated.

My 2010 Bucket List

Two friends and I decided to create a bucket list of sorts. Since we all find it easier to keep motivated when you have someone who knows your status we created our list using Google docs. We each chose a minimum of 20 tasks to complete by December 31, 2010. When a task is completed, we simply document the date and any applicable details.

I'm really excited about this and hope it will give the swift kick in the pants I need to complete some of my goals. To date, my personal "2010 Bucket List" reads as follows:

· Explore my photography interest and purchase a fancy digital camera. (Done - May 2009)
· Further explore the interest by taking a photography class.
· For one month, go to the gym regularly (at least 3 times per week).
· Pay off 50% of remaining student loan balance.
· Go skydiving again.
· Take a course in social media.
· Read the Harry Potter book series.
· Take a Segway tour of Detroit.
· Move out of Michigan. Preferably for a new job but maybe just on a whim.
· Go to a "meet-up" of sorts to meet new people in the D. (Done - June 2009 Tweet-up)
· Rediscover the art of writing letters/notes/sending cards.
· Buy a house plant. And keep it alive.
· Move my childhood belongings & mom's things out of house and into storage.
· Take a solo weekend trip.
· Go to a concert by myself. (Done - OAR, April 2009)
· Read Anna Karenina.
· Watch a movie in a park.
· Go hiking.
· Go on a date. (Lame, I know, but it's been awhile!)
· Take a wine class.
· Visit a new ballpark and/or go to a post-season baseball game.
· Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity.
· Attend a major music festival. (Done - Aug. 9, 2009 - Lolla)

How do you stay focused on your short term goals? What is something you would like to make happen in your life by 2010?

The End of an Era

Like so many other lifelong Detroiters, I am a product of families who made their living as part of the Big 3 and in both white-collar and UAW roles. Though the bulk of the family auto employees worked for the Ford Motor Company (as my Aunt Mary always referred to the company), there have been family members who also worked for Chrysler and General Motors. I'm not sure I've met anyone who grew up in the tri-county area who wasn't tied to these companies in some way. Through a lot of ups, downs and changes through the years - both good and bad - three things were always constant in these parts and they were Ford, GM and Chrysler.

The things I've seen shake out this year, specifically those related to the recession, are things I did not think would ever truly happen and today saw one more. General Motors finally filed for bankruptcy. It was a long time coming and completely planned out, but it is still uncertain what this will mean for the future of the company, the workers, the other manufacturers, the Motor City and the U.S.A. As a firm believer in free markets, a large part of me thinks that the market would have dictated the best possible result in the end, not a majority stake by the U.S. government.

As a Detroiter at heart, I am hopeful that there may be a brighter future for GM down the road.

Positive Thursdays: Simple Pleasures

The reality of life, and lack of sunshine in Detroit, had me feeling a touch frustrated and down today. In turn, this made me think about things that make me smile and I decided to write them down. In no particular order, here are 25 of my Simple Pleasures! :)

1. A really great cup of coffee.
2. Having someone play with your hair.
3. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
4. A baseball game, cold draft beer and good friends on a Friday night.
5. Fresh tulips and gerbera daisies.
6. The awesome architecture and character of old buildings.
7. A special glance.
8. An unexpected card arriving in the mail.
9. Taking a leisurely drive on a long country road.
10. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
11. Lying in bed all day. Just because.
12. Summer thunderstorms.
13. Sitting on the beach at night listening to the ocean.
14. Really awesome photographs.
15. Looking into their eyes and knowing they *see* you.
16. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
17. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
18. Making new friends.
19. Playing with a puppy.
20. Road trips with friends.
21. Swinging on swings.
22. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
23. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
24. Watching the sun rise. Or set.
25. A child discovering things for the very first time.

Shady's Back...

...Back again. And I could not be happier! Marshall Mathers (aka: Slim Shady, Eminem) is one of my all time faves. It's been a number of years since we've heard from him and I've been anticipating the May 19 release of his new studio album, "Relapse." Much to my surprise & delight, I got my hands on the leaked copy today. Just downloaded to the iPod and am ready to listen en route to Ohio tomorrow afternoon. I'm hoping the anticipation doesn't create disappointment in the actual but that's not likely. Em rarely disappoints me. :)

Positive Thursday continued...

Just wanted to pass along a little Detroit love on this Positive Thursday. This is a song and video courtesy of Stephen Clark, a local news anchor. Enjoy! :)

Welcome to Positive Thursdays

Today was a tough day for the domestic auto industry and the residents of Metro Detroit. Another day filled with a steady stream of negative news and uncertainty about the future. This got me thinking that we (or maybe I really mean me) are in need of a massive dose of positivity. We need to embrace life's simple pleasures more often.

I immediately thought that my Twitter community could help with this. In twitterland, there are groups or topics that can be followed through the use of a hashtag (#) and a phrase. For example, every Friday people suggest interesting people to follow on twitter and use the tag #followfriday so that you can search for them. So I decided that Thursdays would be a day to spread some positive news and instituted #positivethursdays. Much to my delight, a few of the people I follow picked up on it and sent out some positive updates!

As a way to take it one step further, I've decided to make Positive Thursdays a weekly blog entry. If you have some good news to share, send me an email or a tweet and I'll include it. The news can be anything good that has happened in your world or a happy story you come across in the media.

I'm happy to report that I have two positive things to share on this inaugural Positive Thursday:

1. On a day when there was a lot of negative auto-related news, I had a promising meeting w/ my automotive client on a new project pitch for an upcoming vehicle launch.

2. I bit the bullet and re-joined the gym today. Time to get this body back in tip-top shape!

Just a couple little things but hey, we've all gotta start somewhere. And we've got no place to go from here but up!

A Letter To Those That Are Taken

Being single sucks. It's been wearing on me for awhile now but not for reasons that many may think. There is, and always has been, a streak in me that is terribly independent. I like to prove that I can do things by myself and definitely without the assistance of a man. The things I cannot or will not do myself, such as auto repair/maintenance, get taken to a professional because I know that they'll do it properly and that my money will keep them in business. But when it comes to balancing my checkbook, putting together a piece of furniture, hanging a painting on the wall or taking out the trash, I am quite happy to simply do it myself. Sometimes I fear that I am too independent for my own good because while I am capable of doing these things myself, it would be nice if there was someone who was willing to do them for me.

There are positives to being single such as making my own schedule, deciding how to spend my money and having lots of time to explore & enjoy the things that make me happy. But I also don't have someone to share private jokes with or to watch tv with or to tell about my day at work. No one is there to welcome me home from a business trip or to be concerned if they don't hear from me. At the end of the day, I still don't have a witness to my everyday life.

But the thing that drives me the most crazy about being single is the thoughts and opinions of people who are not. It seems that everyone from family to coworkers to friends to acquaintances has something to share with me about being single. I often want to tell them to shove it! The most common comments/situations that bring my bitterness to a boil are:

• "Don't worry, you just haven't met the right person" - This is a load of crap. I don't believe in soul mates. And there are a couple of people that I have dated who just might have been the right person. The truth is simply that I wasn't ready to admit it. Truth is, they may have been the "one that got away."
• "Be glad you're single" - WHY? Because you wish you were? Trust me, you don't, so stop trying to live vicariously. And for those that are married who say this, I want to tell them that they wouldn't survive three days in my single shoes.
• Judgments about my social life - Yes, I am in my 30s and yes, I spend a lot of time going out w/ friends whether it be to the bar, a concert, happy hour, dinner or some other social gathering. But next time you care to comment on the fact that I still sometimes close down the bar or make dinner plans four times in one week, please bite your tongue. The path to no longer being single requires one to be social so they can meet someone. And remember that my alternative is a night on the couch by myself.
  
• Men who tell me that they can't believe I'm still single - Yes, I am attractive, intelligent, fun and like sports. I even have season tickets to the Tigers. But don't tell me that you can't believe I'm single, unless you follow it up with an offer to introduce me to a single friend/relative/co-worker. Because it's the single guys that I need to be thinking those things. Not the married ones.
  
• Invitations to couples showers - Any type of event with the word "couple" in the title implies just what it says - that it is for couples. If you're having one, don't invite me. (On a side note, I told this to a friend recently and she decided not to call it a couples shower after all. Love her for that!)

The list could go on but you get my drift. Being single is hard. Dating is even harder. And being lonely is the hardest. So next time you want to comment on my single status, remember that it might be best to just keep those thoughts to yourself.

Unless, of course, you want to set me up. ;)

Dear Readers,

Wow. Have I become a slacker or what? I had such good intentions about maintaining this blog and writing about both the wacky and mundane experiences in my life. The fact that I haven't been writing about either has made me think my life is more dull than I thought.

I need some help to get the creative juices flowing again. Wacky, mundane, current events, dating (or lackthereof), the City of Detroit, the latest book I've read, my thoughts on music...take your pick and help a sister out. :)

xoxo,
Lesley

L-E-S-L-E-Y

This is how I spell my name. Not L-e-s-l-i-e, not L-e-s-l-e-e or any other variation. If you've never seen my name in print then you get a pass but just one. When I send you an email that has my name in the "from" line, the signature AND in my contact info line, there is simply zero excuse to reply and spell my name wrong.

From now on, I am going to provide the same level of courtesy and spell your name wrong when I reply to you. Consider this your warning...

Update: travel does not = glamour

I am happy to announce that there will be no photo essay on the Bristol Super 8. By the grace of God, my client got us rooms at the local Hampton Inn. So, not only will I be able to leave my personal towels at home, I'll actually get some Hilton Points. Yippee!

I should be grateful...

to be employed but today, i am seriously over my job. 100% over it.

Musings from the Disgruntled Right

It should come as no surprise to most that I take an avid interest in politics.  Nor should it come as a surprise that my personal views on politics and the role of government are quite conservative.  But I also pride myself on being fairly open-minded to views that differ from my own.  I openly admit that I voted for W. in both 2000 and 2004 but will also openly admit that I became disgruntled with the administration's policies during the second term.  That being said, I have tried to keep an open mind about the policies that are being set forth by the new administration and President Obama.  I might not have voted for him but he is still my President and was elected with overwhelming support by the American people. 

I was strongly opposed to the first financial bailout, the auto industry bailout and today's announcement of the new budget plan has left me feeling very discouraged about where this country is headed.  The administration has said that they will not nationalize our banking system.  Yet the new budget has $750 billion allocated to the Treasury to purchase financial assets of troubled banks.  This is in addition to the billions that have already been given to these institutions.  There is $634 billion as a "down payment" for a univeral health care system, which I think is a monumental mistake.  Does this mean, in addition to the money that I pay for my private healthcare through my employer, that my tax dollars will also pay for the healthcare of others?  If I'm allowed to keep my private care, as I understand Obama's vision includes the option to keep what you already have, why should I be responsible for funding a national healthcare program?  Taxes will increase from 15% to 20% for those making over $250K per year, which in theory I don't completely disagree with, but I find it hard to believe that these tax hikes are not going to make there way to the "middle class."  

Our country has made it this far on a belief in free-market capitalism, small goverment and the notion that hard work results in personal gain.  If the government continues to intervene and come to the rescue through purchasing bank assets, bailing out corporations and a national health care plan, isn't the end result going to mean a socialistic nation? 

I, like anyone who is reading this, has worked hard to get where I am in life.  I am a contributing member of society, gainfully employed, donate to charities of my choice, pay my bills and try to have some fun with the little money left over each month.  I will admit there have been times that I have relied on the government for assistance.  In 2002, I was laid off and collected unemployment funds until I found another job.  My higher education was funded by the government loans that I will be paying back for the next 20 years.  I'm grateful for the assistance but it was not something to which I felt entitled.  My own hard work is what I've relied on and hoped would provide for my quality of life.  Whether I succeed or fail should be my responsibility and not that of my fellow citizens.

Like all Americans, I want to see a positive end to the mess our nation is in and I believe we will eventually recover.  I just hope we emerge with a renewed faith in personal responsibility, limited government and the American Dream.

travel does not = glamour

I've said it before and I'll say it again - business travel, or any travel for that matter, is not glamorous. Especially when you're in the business of traveling to NASCAR events and race tracks. Sure, I accumulate a lot of airline/rental car/hotel points and I get to keep them all. And sometimes I get to travel to decent places like Miami or LA and even have a night off to eat at nice restaurants and I don't pay for it out of my own pocket. But today I learned that I will likely be heading to Bristol, TN. And since it's so close to race day and since Bristol is not a thriving metropolis, this is likely where I'll be staying:
So for anyone that thinks travel is glamorous, stay tuned for my forthcoming photo essay on the Bristol Super 8. It will begin right after I complete the two hour drive from Knoxville to Bristol...

Welcome to My So-Called Life

Over the past few months, I've spent time enjoying reading the adventures and musings of friends and strangers. In search of an outlet for my own adventures and musings, I thought it might be time to start a blog of my own. Then today, in my annual review, my boss had this to say: "She has also become very involved and afluent with social media networks, including Twitter and Facebook, which I find she uses as a marketing platform for our work. She also uses Twitter to keep up on industry news, current events and marketing trends." I took this as a sign to complete the trifecta and start a blog. Bare with me as I stumble my way through the growing pains of blogging...and welcome to my so-called life!